Top ten remarks overheard while holding a bitch after artificial insemination.

10. Isn't she the best wheelbarrow partner?

9. If the neighbors ask, tell them we are truffle hunting.

8. This wouldn't be necessary if you had taught her those keggle exercise like I told you.

7. Gosh, you never gave me this much attention when we were trying for our first born.

6. Honey, have you seen my cork and mallet set?

5. If God redesigns the dog, I'm going to put in a request for a zip-lock seal.

4. Snap the handcuffs like so, toss the rope over a branch, and viola!

3. What's my turkey baster doing on the grooming table?

2. Oh yeah, well if you think she's tired, try staring at her privates for 45 minutes.

And the number one remark overheard while holding a bitch after artificial insemination ...

1. Forget the dike; just get over here!

© 1999 Christopher Glaeser. All Rights Reserved.