“Life is a jest; and all things show it.”  — John Gay

Top Ten list of remarks that indicate a judge may have a vision problem.

10. “Oh darn, I left my glasses at the hotel again! May I borrow yours?”

9. “Will someone watch my dog while I'm judging? His name is Tobie and you can hold him by his guide-dog harness.”

8. “Has anyone seen my decibel meter? It's about the size of a shoe box and I need it to measure the applause.”

7. “Just point me in the direction of the first entry and I'll be fine from there.”

6. “These dogs look fabulous in the stacked position, but why do they have large numbers painted on their flanks?”

5. “Where's your dog? Oh, so you're the Ring Steward …”

4. “OK, let me see his teeth. Oops, wrong end.”

3. “My favorite movie? Hmm, that would have to be Mr. Magoo.”

2. “As each of you performs the final go-round, yell out your arm-band number so I'll know who you are.”

And the number one remark that indicates a judge may have a vision problem is ...

1. “Eenie! Meenie! Minee! Moe!”

© 1999 Christopher Glaeser. All Rights Reserved.